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What if self-evaluation is the source of your unhappiness?

Updated: Mar 6, 2023

I have to fess up. I am a recovering self-evaluation/self-help addict.

Over time I have had a series of insights that has led me to see that the constant self-evaluation that my mind loves to habitually do, is the source of times when I feel unhappy about myself.

In short, the more I think about myself, the unhappier I feel.

This isn’t the kind of thinking about yourself that comes from a place of wisdom, where you see something new, insightful and useful about yourself. I’m talking about the kind of constant self-talk that says:

…How am I feeling?

…Why am I feeling like this?

…I should be more….

…Why aren’t I over..X..Y..Z yet?

…If only I was more like this person…that person

….It will be better when I follow that new exercise programme or health book

….I need to do X..Y or Z in order to achieve what I want in life, and why aren’t I doing it already?

I gave power to this kind of thinking for far too long by paying attention to it, and seeing it as true. Mostly I now see through this kind of thinking and ‘catch’ when my mind goes off down this merry little path.

When I don’t see all of this thinking and judgment about myself as true, or needing to be paid attention to, I suffer less.

When I am caught up in this being real, I suffer more.

Really quite simple.

It’s one of the reasons I love my work so much. When I am with a client, being fully present with them, I forget about myself and I feel peaceful and filled with love.

Maybe you can see in your own life if this is true for you? What if it’s all the self-evaluation and thoughts of self-improvement that bring the experience of unhappiness? Rather than it being true that you are unhappy with yourself? Can you just let yourself be?

Lindsey Elliott is a Wellbeing & Resilience Coach, energy healer and meditation teacher working in Brighton and online. She offers one to one coaching in a life-changing paradigm of understanding about how the human experience is created. With this understanding you can move from feeling insecure, stressed, anxious or unfulfilled to happy, secure, inspired, peaceful and filled with love.

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