Low Self-Esteem in Women: You’re Not Broken. You’re Covered in Sticky Notes.

Person covered in sticky notes

If you’ve spent years trying to improve yourself, to feel more confident, less anxious, more “together”, you might have absorbed the idea that something in you needs fixing.

I used to believe that too.

Many of the women I work with are competent, capable and thoughtful. On the surface, they are functioning well. But internally, there is a constant sense of evaluation. Am I doing enough? Am I too much? Did I say the wrong thing?

Over time, that internal commentary starts to feel like truth.

This is an excerpt from my book The Freedom of Being Enough. It captures the misunderstanding at the heart of insecurity.

From Chapter 1: The Sticky Labels That Dim Your Light

Imagine a lightbulb. A clear, bright, shining light that just is. It doesn’t have to do anything to glow. It doesn’t have to try. That’s its nature.

Now imagine that over time, this lightbulb starts getting covered in sticky notes. Labels. Words. Ideas.

“Not good enough.” “Too loud.” “Too quiet.” “Not smart enough.” “You talk too much.” “You’re too emotional.” “You should be more like her.”

Eventually, you can barely see the light at all. And because you can’t see it, you start to believe it’s not there anymore.

That’s what happens to us.

We’re born with that light: whole, untouched, and fully ourselves. There’s no insecurity in a baby. No self-judgement. No measuring or comparing.

But as we grow up, we start collecting those sticky notes. Ideas we innocently pick up from family, school, friends, media, culture. Labels about who we’re supposed to be.

And at some point, we stop seeing the light and start believing the labels.

But the truth is, you’re not broken.

You’re just covered in sticky notes you forgot were never true.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Most women don’t consciously think, “I am broken.” But they live as if it’s true.

It shows up in the second-guessing after meetings. The replaying of conversations. The comparison to other women who seem more confident or less affected. It shows up in the belief that if they could just improve themselves a little more, they would finally feel settled.

The effort to improve confidence often reinforces the idea that something needs fixing. And when that belief sits unexamined for years, it begins to shape identity.

But insecurity doesn’t mean you are flawed. It usually means you have believed certain labels for a long time without questioning them.

For most women the solution to this isn't more tools or strategies. They don’t need to build a stronger self-image or carefully dismantle every insecure thought one by one. What actually changes things is seeing that the labels were never the truth in the first place.

In my coaching, we don’t try to fix confidence or repair self-worth. We look at the misunderstanding that made those labels feel real. And when that misunderstanding drops, even slightly, something settles. The light doesn’t need rebuilding. It was always there.

Here's how you can find out more about working with me.